Article in The Herald Sun 9th May 2019
Lets hear from an authority on the subject
NEWS FLASH
In the writ Bubbles makes a number of explosive allegations about lewd sex acts at the Jackson mansion, Neverland. He claims sexual rituals and games like, “Spank the Monkey”, “Blowing Bubbles” and “Swinging” were daily activities inside the Jackson compound.
Bubbles also implicated Debbie Rowe, the Mother of Jackson’s two children as a regular participant in group activities. The Chimp said he was intimate with Rowe on many occasions and, get this, alleges they have a child together. And that child was none other than Canadian Crooner, Michael Bublè.
The twisted perversion continues. Bubbles has filed a paternity suit seeking sole custody. Bubbles hopes to show his son the Family Tree and his position in it. Lawyers will argue despite being a Monkey, Bubbles shouldn’t be denied access to his offspring.
Frenzied gossip columnists and media organisations were falling over themselves trying to confirm these astonishing revelations. Mr Bublè couldn’t be reached. No surprise there. He was probably still in shock trying to wrap his noodle around his new found status as part ape and part man.
Jackson had been dead for years. So the Media thought God might answer their questions but he was in a meeting and unavailable for comment. However, they did manage to get a hold of God’s spokesperson, Mr George Burns.
Mr Burns confirmed that Michael Jackson had indeed arrived at the gates of heaven but was promptly turned away. Burns went on to say and I quote:
“Michael was heard singing I’m Bad, I’m Bad as he ascended the Stairway to Heaven. When he Knock Knocked on Heavens Door, God told him to tell HisStory walking. MoonWalking or by any other means. …. God didn’t care.
His message to the gifted freak was clear and final.
Don’t Blame your shameful tale of woe on the Boogie-man, Billie Jean or Narcotics.
Take a long hard look at the Man in the Mirror.
Now Beat it. Just Beat It.
And with that, the Pearly Gates of Heaven slammed shut.” said Burns
Michael did look. He grabbed a mirror Off the Wall and saw a person neither Black nor White. As he made his way down to Hell was heard singing, My Bad, My Bad…
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You know it makes sense
Time to go George
Happiness is found between the Ears
If you’re still not Happy?
Don’t worry, 6 out of the 7 Dwarfs weren’t Happy either
After days of deliberation. indecision and Grey Smoke
The Vatican announce to the world via a White Smoke signal
They’ve chosen the successor to Pope Benedict
But they drew the line at embracing Gay Marriage
That was a bridge too far
So God got involved and sent his message
The Rainbow said Yes to Marriage Equality
Heavens above
What’s next
Female priests at the Tabernacle?
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In the Christian calendar, Good Friday marks the beginning of Easter as we remember the day Jesus, the Son of God was Murdered
First Tortured and then Crucified
Hardly a Good day in my book
At least he could hang out with Dad again
But it was to be a short lived re-union
The Old Man sent him back
To finish what he’d started
Jesus put his emotional needs to one side
This wasn’t about him
It was about us and all of our Sins
So 3 days later he was back
Jesus, the Son of God had pulled a rabbit out of the hat
Back from the dead. That was Impressive
But in celebrating and remembering his miraculous Resurrection
We get the Chocolates..
Chocolate Rabbits
And on his Birthday? No Cigar there either
We get all the presents
So any speculation of the Messiah returning some day ends here
He won’t be making another comeback
Why would he after his last trip?
Plus he’s got other Worlds to Save
We had our chance
No matter what you believe
For the pious..thank God for the Holyday
For everyone else..thank Goodness for the Holiday
Either way, it’s a day off work
It’s All Good
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Location: East Melbourne, Australia
Despite being neighbours, these two institutions are worlds apart
We live in hope of a cure for cancer one day
Finding a cure for The Church will need a miracle
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and then i get creative suggesting that Ground control back on Earth (NesCafe) had forgotten to send the coffee beans up with the Expresso machine.
Here’s the conversation between the Space Station (NASAcafe) and Ground Control (NesCafe)
NASAcafe: Where are the Coffee Beans?NesCafe: Here at Ground Control
Get Beans here ASAP
NesCafe: How?
NASAcafe: Waddaya mean how..How Long before you get em up here?
NesCafe: How Long is in Vietnam
NASAcafe: Don’t get cute with me Ground control. Just Bean them up
NesCafe: Like a giant Coffee Beanstalk?
NASAcafe: No not a Beanstalk…For fucks sake you little stick fiddler, get my beans teleported up here. We need our caffeine
NesCafe: Just to clarify, did you mean Beam instead of Bean?
NASAcafe: YES I MEAN BEAM NOT BEAN.. Now just Beam them up. This instant
NesCafe: On its way
NASAcafe: Received 1 bottle of Jim Beam. Thanks. Fuck the Expresso
Good grief. The Commander in Chief has a clear majority in both Houses of Congress giving him a mandate to run the country.
Michael Moore, award winning political filmmaker is set to begin work on the sequel to Fahrenheit 911, called “Celsius 100 Million”
Donald Trump
Tick tock tick tock
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A spokesman from IS issued a statement confirming the new strategic direction. “Our business is growing and so is our Headcount. Overhead costs need to shaved and further cost cutting measures are inevitable. To this end, we’ve engaged a Headhunting firm to recruit Al ‘Chainsaw’ Dunlap to Execute our strategy”
The IS model is simple:
The more hair you lose, the more head you’ll get.
Because at Islamic State, your head is in our hands
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*Correct spelling is ‘Toupee’ but some might pronounce it as Too Pee which wouldn’t work for the purpose of comedy
She listens, speaks only when spoken to, follows instructions, is logical, intelligent, obedient and can Cook.
She exists only to serve her man. And its not me
Turns out that man is Tim Cook
Turns out she keeps no secrets at all
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1. Spellcheck = Ignored
2. Editor = Retrenched
3. Journalist = Cadet
At least I learnt something from the article. ‘Heath’ is a tract of wasteland, a shrubland habitat with infertile, acidic soils
Guess where I learnt that
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The Prince of Peptides, James Hird has done it again. See the Bombers fly up, up to 2nd place on the AFL ladder. Another win and they take another 4 points ……
And that’s not all they take. They take everything known to mankind. Animal, Mineral or Vegetable. Even if its partially known to mankind. They’ll take it
But hats off to Jimmy. He’s dodged some heavy bullets thus far with a masterful play behind the scenes. Best game he’s ever played
James, you’re a man of Substance
Hird of Teflon. It’s not a question
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Allegations of widespread professional doping inside the AFL and NRL has left the nation shell shocked. There will be plenty of casualties in the battle that looms between administrators, regulators, law enforcement, players and club officials. Stephen Dank has already fired the first shot by launching a $10 million defamation lawsuit against various media outlets. A pre-emptive strike inspired by disgraced professional cyclist Lance Armstrong and his legal strategy being the best method of defence is offence.
But what I’ve found most alarming is the general publics reaction of shock and horror. They are genuinely surprised by these revelations at Essendon People are entitled to feel betrayed and gutted at the grim prospect of widespread doping practices within their sacred sport. But don’t be surprised. It’s simply naive to think elite sport people are clean.
Wake up Australia.
Professional sport is NOT about providing role models for our children. That ship sailed long ago. It’s big business. It’s about highest scores, fastest times, world records and medals. It’s all about winning.
So why not give the green light to performance enhancing drugs? Let athletes take whatever they like, so long as it’s not illicit. Illegal drugs are a different matter entirely. With doping bans lifted, who knows, we may get to witness Usain Bolt running 100 metres in under 5 seconds. Or the footy season could be extended to 52 weeks per year. It makes no sense for society to keep placing ever greater demands upon athletes for success yet take the moral high ground when a scandal like this erupts. We banish losers and celebrate winners. Winners are bathed in glory and wealth. With such powerful forces motivating athletes to be “Simply the Best” surely people can’t be surprised that drugs are used to boost performance.
Wake up Australia.
Many will argue that allowing performance enhancing drugs is irresponsible and may reduce athlete life expectancy. And of course the old chestnut about the message this would send to our children. I’ll say it again, sport is about winning. It is NOT about being role models for our kids. It’s big business.
Wake up Australia.
Performance enhancing drugs are here to stay. Governing bodies need to think through a new paradigm. Afterall, it was progressive thinking that decriminalised homosexual acts in Australia in 1969. So in less than one generation our laws have changed from it being a crime to being legally recognised. And two thousand years ago, the Romans used to feed Christians to hungry Lions. Back then it was considered normal. Today our society is very different. Point being; we need policies and laws that are in step with modern day reality.
The sooner they lift all bans on performance enhancing drugs the better. And it will happen. It might not be in my lifetime but down the road, it’ll become a reality. So let’s start the discussion. Obviously there will be resistance as the many vested interests fight to justify their existence. Currently, the anti-doping agencies are locked in a cat and mouse game with those seeking to avoid detection. Careers are on the line. But lift the ban and the tables turn as the anti doping industry becomes redundant.
But until that day, get outraged, vent your spleen and then get over it. Drugs in sport are here to stay.
Wake up Australia.
aP
Commentary on Australia’s PM, Julia Gillard and her Machiavellian play to take the top job from a beleaguered Kevin Rudd. She delivered the news with a much publicised late night visit to his office in 2010….That was then and
This is now, June 2013. Speculation is mounting of a Kevin Rudd comeback having spent the last 3 years plotting his next course. Who knows, he may just have the last laugh.
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I’ve just written to Make a Wish Foundation asking they help our Prime Minister, Julia Gillard, carry herself in a more dignified, statesman like way
Specifically, I wished for :
1/ No More Tears
2/ No More Trips and Falls
They sent me a Bottle of Shampoo and a note saying I was allowed only one wish. Otherwise they would’ve called themselves Make a Wishes Foundation
So I wrote back
Told them No More Tears was a 2 in 1 Shampoo Conditioner
They conceded on a technicality and granted my second wish
They sent me a *Slater and Gordon Personal Injury Claim Form
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*Julia Gillard has a law background and at one time worked for the high profile no win no fee legal firm, Slater and Gordon
When we look back in the past, whatever it is, be it our own experiences, the GFC, or whatever, we rationalise that whatever the thing was that happened was always going to happen. Like it was somehow inevitable.
With the benefit of hindsight, it’s easy to tell a cohesive, rational explanation of what happened and if only we had used common sense, this thing could have been avoided.
But when we’re in the present moment living our complicated lives and looking ahead, the answer is not so clear as uncertainty prevails.
In other words, we’re really deceiving ourselves into believing we understand something that in fact we don’t.
The media are more likely to give airtime to forecasters that are certain and decisive. The pundits that hedge or provide a more circumspect answer are often overlooked by the media.
One thing you can be certain of
Forecasting is a mugs game
aP
Background:
In July 2016, former Australian Labor Party [ALP] Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd’s nomination for the UN Secretary General role was rejected. He claims he was betrayed by current Liberal Prime Minister, Malcolm Turnbull who initially endorsed his nomination and then rejected it. Humiliated and bitter, Rudd went on a media blitz challenging Turnbull to explain.In 2010, former Liberal Party Prime Minister and cricket tragic, John Howard was unsuccessful in his bid to become President of the International Cricket Council [ICC] without any meaningful explanation despite having all the credentials.
Kevin Rudd clean bowled by a Malcolm Turnbull fast curve ball which hit Middle stump.
Rudd despatched without score.
John Howard run out when he was a shoo-in for the International Cricket Council (ICC) Presidency back in 2010.
Malcolm Speed, former ICC Chief Executive was Stumped
Both failed to score.
But It’s just not Cricket
Kevin was on the Left
John was on the Right
Malcolm was Right in the Middle of it
It’s Political and
It’s Personal
Over
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AFL sporting hero, two time Brownlow medalist and 2014 Australian of the Year, Adam Goodes has been widely condemned by football spectators for a couple of on field incidents most notably, a provocative war dance in front of the opposition cheer squad. Moreover, he has ignited again the destructive, regressive racism issue that we somehow just can’t get past.
Adam is a true champion however, his actions have unintentionally been divisive by highlighting the differences between us instead of the similarities we all share. Being human.
And on that score, Adam should stop Goading the public into a response. Play the game and leave the point scoring to the Umpires.
So where to from here for public relations at team Adam Goodes?
My advice to Adam is simple. Apologise. I know what some of you may be thinking. And you’re right, he shouldn’t have to but this isn’t an apology about skin colour. It’s an apology for an action as a man before other men and women.
Get a press conference organised now and apologise for the war dance. Try to make it a light hearted affair pointing out the irony of the apology made by Kevin Rudd in 2007. Obviously, the magnitude and significance cannot be compared but if Adam wants to win back public support this is what he needs to do.
State your case, be proud of your heritage and speak to the reasons why you did it but acknowledge it was provocative and that in hindsight you would have chosen another course of action.
And you will be remembered for the right reasons and the AFL can be left to tackle the next big ticket issue staring them down. Homophobia.
aP
Make your mind up Australia
Are you committed to waging a war against drugs?
If yes, then shut the fuck up about the methods used in the fight
If no, then fair enough
Get off the fence and take a stand
Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran did
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A charitable message from the Director of Profiteering, Innovation, Donation Wealth Creation and Ethics at PlanetFarkthat, a commercial charity intent on saving..
Time is running out. Donate now before its too late.
To those who have already donated, thank you and please consider the following:
If you double your pledged amount, your goodwill gesture will be acknowledged on the “Planetfarkthat” social media channel.
If you triple it, the Director will donate 50% to aid the Nepalese earthquake victims.
If you quadruple it, he will donate 50% to feed the homeless.
If you quintuple your donation, he will donate 50% to help sick children live and help sick adults die.
If you sextuple your donation, he will buy a poppy farm to commemorate our dead soldiers. Then he will harvest the opium to kill pain in people and kill people in pain. The Director says the global demand for this alkaloid and its derivative generate massive profits and with these profits he can then fund all the other charities and bleeding hearts asking for money.
He can save.. with your money.
Farkthat. Give time. Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran did.
Poppy you are a duplicitous flower
Will we see bunches of you at their funerals?
Didn’t think so
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I’m not into Pop Culture
I’m not into Polite Conversation
I’m not into Predictable Cliches
So Who am I?
I turned to my PC friend for a straight answer
I plugged it in, turned it on and when prompted, typed: whoami
And there it was. The answer, in black and white
planetBudge/Administrator
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The Straight Bat
and a Good Pull
Bee Hive
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ROLF HARRIS. A British court on 30 June 2014 found veteran children’s television presenter and artist Rolf Harris guilty of indecently assaulting four young girls.
planetKnews 