Vatican Vote Yes

July 31, 2018 / / No Comments

Smoke Signals in the Vatican
It’s the dawn of a new era

Pope Benedict vacates the top job 
Gay Marriage endorsed by the Church  

Smoke Signals

 

 

 

 

After days of deliberation. indecision and Grey Smoke
The Vatican announce to the world via a White Smoke signal
They’ve chosen the successor to Pope Benedict

But they drew the line at embracing Gay Marriage
That was a bridge too far

So God got involved and sent his message
The Rainbow said Yes to Marriage Equality

Rainbow Signal

Heavens above
What’s next
Female priests at the Tabernacle?

aP

God Friday

July 19, 2018 / / No Comments

Thank God it’s Friday. But it’s no ordinary Friday
It’s Good Friday

In the Christian calendar, Good Friday marks the beginning of Easter as we remember the day Jesus, the Son of God was Murdered

First Tortured and then Crucified
Hardly a Good day in my book

At least he could hang out with Dad again
But it was to be a short lived re-union
The Old Man sent him back
To finish what he’d started

Jesus put his emotional needs to one side
This wasn’t about him
It was about us and all of our Sins
So 3 days later he was back

Jesus, the Son of God had pulled a rabbit out of the hat
Back from the dead. That was Impressive
But in celebrating and remembering his miraculous Resurrection
We get the Chocolates..
Chocolate Rabbits

And on his Birthday? No Cigar there either
We get all the presents

So any speculation of the Messiah returning some day ends here
He won’t be making another comeback
Why would he after his last trip?

Plus he’s got other Worlds to Save
We had our chance

No matter what you believe
For the pious..thank God for the Holyday
For everyone else..thank Goodness for the Holiday

Either way, it’s a day off work
It’s All Good

aP

Divine Intervention

July 18, 2018 / / No Comments

Cancer touches many lives
The Catholic Church touch more

Peter Macallum Cancer Institute East Melbourne
St Patricks Cathedral East Melbourne

Location: East Melbourne, Australia

 

Despite being neighbours, these two institutions are worlds apart

We live in hope of a cure for cancer one day
Finding a cure for The Church will need a miracle

aP

ISS Expresso

July 16, 2018 / / 2 Comments

The International Space Station (ISS) has it’s own Expresso machine. NASA have dubbed it, the ISSpresso

and then i get creative suggesting that Ground control back on Earth (NesCafe) had forgotten to send  the coffee beans  up with the Expresso machine.
Here’s the conversation between the Space Station (NASAcafe) and Ground Control (NesCafe)

Begin:
Sipping Expresso in Outer Space…but they forgot one thing..Beans

ISS Expresso

NASAcafe:  Where are the Coffee Beans?NesCafe: Here at Ground Control

 NASAcafe:  No good to us down there.

 Get Beans here ASAP

NesCafe: How?

NASAcafe: Waddaya mean how..How Long before you get em up here?

NesCafe: How Long is in Vietnam

NASAcafe: Don’t get cute with me Ground control. Just Bean them up

NesCafe: Like a giant Coffee Beanstalk?

NASAcafe: No not a Beanstalk…For fucks sake you little stick fiddler, get my beans teleported up here. We need our caffeine

NesCafe: Just to clarify, did you mean Beam instead of Bean?

NASAcafe: YES I MEAN BEAM NOT BEAN.. Now just Beam them up. This instant

NesCafe: On its way

NASAcafe: Received 1 bottle of Jim Beam. Thanks. Fuck the Expresso

aP

Good Mourning America

July 5, 2018 / / No Comments

Donald Trump and his rug become the 45th President of the United States

Good grief. The Commander in Chief has a clear majority in both Houses of Congress giving him a mandate to run the country. 

Michael Moore, award winning political filmmaker is set to begin work on the sequel to Fahrenheit 911, called “Celsius 100 Million” 

Donald Trump
Tick tock tick tock

aP

Islamic State open rug franchise in Baghdad

July 4, 2018 / / No Comments

Terror based organisation, Islamic State (ISIS) have partnered with hair growth company Advanced Hair Studio. The extremist group have announced there’ll be hell Toupay* if the West intervene.

A spokesman from IS issued a statement confirming the new strategic direction. “Our business is growing and so is our Headcount. Overhead costs need to shaved and further cost cutting measures are inevitable. To this end, we’ve engaged a Headhunting firm to recruit Al ‘Chainsaw’ Dunlap to Execute our strategy”

The IS model is simple:
The more hair you lose, the more head you’ll get.
Because at Islamic State, your head is in our hands

aP

*Correct spelling is ‘Toupee’ but some might pronounce it as Too Pee which wouldn’t work for the purpose of comedy

 

Siriously

July 3, 2018 / / No Comments

Finally, a woman that understands me: Siri

She listens, speaks only when spoken to, follows instructions, is logical, intelligent, obedient and can Cook.
She exists only to serve her man. And its not me

Turns out that man is Tim Cook
Turns out she keeps no secrets at all

aP